From our Guest Blogger, Dan Derezinski, LPC

Cleaning Up the Mess

When I was a teenager, an older gentleman and I befriended each other.  He was a conservationist and an environmentalist and often took me on outdoor excursions to various parks, forests and reserves.  Without fail, when walking some trail or enjoying some natural setting, this gentleman would never hesitate to pick up some garbage or litter found lying about. Even the smallest of scraps. Into his pocket it would go, later to be disposed of properly.  You see, my friend considered the natural world his home and he liked to keep “his place” tidy.  Though he wasn’t responsible for the messes he found out there in the natural environment--his nature home--he freely and personally assumed responsibility for it.  Without complaint, he cleaned things up.  And he always seemed happier for it.  He sensed that the natural environment would be healthier without these scraps of pollution lying about.  And consequently he, too, would be healthier as he understood the connection between himself and nature.

Over the years I’ve often reflected on this and have come to see a deeper lesson in it.  Just as my friend assumed responsibility for the messes out in the natural environment and worked to clean things up, there is another environment in which each of us live--our inner environment.  Here in our inner environment we’re likely to find lots of garbage, too, and may feel at times that someone else is to blame for that mess, for dumping that “garbage” on us, for all that “crap” we may carry around inside--some of it downright toxic.  In a lot of ways, this may be true. Someone or something else may be responsible. After all, we don’t choose our family, we don’t ask for or control the experiences that come our way, especially when we were kids.  Perhaps we’ve fallen victim to some trauma, some abuse, some overwhelming hardship or heartbreaking loss.  Maybe we’ve learned a lot of dysfunctional habits and behaviors, unhealthy attitudes and beliefs, because of the family or social environment in which we were raised.  Now, in our consequent pain or confusion or dysfunction we may conclude, “I’m such a mess!”  We may blame others for this, or even life itself, and may genuinely be justified in doing so.

But here’s the bottom line.  Whoever it is that may ultimately be responsible for that mess we find inside, unless we personally assume responsibility for it, it will never get cleaned up.  There’s no one else that walks those inner trails, who lives in that inner environment.  Just us alone. Unless we become responsible for cleaning up our own inner world, we’ll just continue to live in that toxic environment--made sick by it, hurt by it, weighed down by it, continuing in unhealthy patterns, struggling through life.  We won’t be able to live to our fullest potential.  We won’t know happiness or well-being or peace of mind. 

The good news is that, just as my friend freely assumed responsibility for cleaning up the outer environment, we, too, are fully capable of assuming responsibility for our inner environment.  We can do something about that inner mess.  If we choose, we can consciously and intentionally process what’s inside—the hurt, the confusion, the negative thoughts.  We can reconnect with our inner-wisdom, gain insight, and learn new ways to approach life.  But how?  One effective path to this inner cleansing work is to enter into counseling and psychotherapy.  Working side by side with a caring, nonjudgmental individual deeply committed to our well-being, who is professionally trained and licensed to facilitate this inner work, can be a truly healing journey.  Perhaps today is the day to choose to take this first step.  It’s a choice that can make all the difference.  And like my friend, we’ll be happier and healthier for it!